
©Inc Magazine
i know the feelings that gather when i am at a networking event or workplace social. And it’s a common issue with those who are being caddied. If the context is transactional, everything is OK, but the social anxiety that can arise from networking and social work functions can be humiliating, feeling of loneliness, being alone and awkwardness. The conversations are full of small talk and surface level conversations. Consequently the event feels like torture as you keep an eye on your watch and look for an escape hatch. At the same time there is an expectation to be present and a pressure to perform.
“I always felt a bit awkward trying to introduce myself to strangers and make small talk. Standing silently, a drink in hand, in a cluster around a couple of extroverts going to town with their stories. I eventually would retire to a dark corner to stand by myself and watch the room, wondering why I was even there.”
Larry Cornett
The experience can be painful. Why does everyone else look like they are enjoying themselves? Are they?
We’re adults, but we feel like this . . .

©Oprah.com
“OK, OK I get it – so what can I do? This form of social anxiety is a rhythm that keeps reoccurring each time there is a networking or workplace social.” For some of us, this is a very real experience while a regular function of many jobs and workplaces. It’s not going away and so strategies are needed to give you control and confidence. Here’s three things to put in your game when faced with the networking or social workplace function.
1. Centre yourself before the event (that means dump the stinking thinking and remember who you are)
Take time to slow down before you enter the event to get your head right. Pull out your pocket sheet (we talked about that in Blog 7) and reaffirm yourself. No stinking thinking. Remember:
I matter. I am valuable. I am OK and so are other people.
Living Wisdom Rule 10
Have a plan for the event. What will you do? How will you handle yourself (more ideas coming further down this blog)? Have this plan clear and written down, not just fuzzing around in your head.
Breathe.
Enter the event in a good mindset.
Breathe.

© No more stinkin thinkin – facebook
2. Conversation starters & strategies when networking just doesn’t come easy
- Look for a point of commonality. What is a point of connection between you and this person you have just met. Make it your aim to find that. May be you know the same person, work in the same industry or both love the same type of music.
- Ask good intro questions to keep the other person talking. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Make it a game to see how long you can keep the other person talking.
- And if these two fail, here are seven good icebreaking questions:
- Did you always want to work in this field? Then follow up with a ‘why’ question (eg. Why did you decide on the military?).
- How did you join this industry?
- What’s your biggest challenge?
- What professional development do you do?
- What’s your next step?
- What do you wish you could change about your job?
- What do you spend most of your time at work doing?
Notice how all these questions are open ended? They’re designed to keep them talking.
But to take being a conversationalist to another level, I really like Michael Frost’s notion of demonstrating a curiosity about others and a willingness to hear their life story.
Mike quotes Brad Brisco’s tweet: The English word “listen” comes from two Anglo-Saxon words. One means “hearing” and the other means “to wait in suspense.” Conversations might manifest greater love & attentiveness if we adopted an attitude of waiting in suspense to learn something from the other person’s words.
Go into your networking event centred and looking to fulfill that curiosity about others. See how much you can learn. It might help your anxiety to reduce.

©Marriage.com
3. Look outside yourself
You’re not Robinson Crusoe. You’re not on this island alone. You’d be surprised how many people feel like you and are struggling at the same networking event. Look for the person who is struggling and make contact with them – look after them. When we are unwell, we often feel better when we forget ourselves and start helping someone else (just ask a mother). Take a look around the room. Who looks lonely and alone? You know those feelings. Reach out to them, welcome them and try those conversation strategies we mentioned (above). They may go away feeling you were an angel. You reduced their anxiety and hopefully yours in the process.
And there you go. In one blog you can shift from struggling with your own social anxiety to helping someone else reduce theirs. If we all did this, acted kindly, looking past our own concerns and looked out for those that feel alone and lonely, maybe our society would have less problems. Change the world one act of kindness at a time.

©AZ quotes
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