
©Women working
People can be difficult. Especially at work. Our relationships go wonky. We get hurt and offended. When the stress, workload and unsupportive colleagues get to you, many of us retreat into ourselves. Had days like this? . . .
“I feel so broken”
“This woman is making my life so hard”
“Just want to cry”
“I think he’s clueless and obviously doesn’t care that much”
“So hurt and sad and tired and broken”
. . . and you feel fragile.

©BBC
Why can people be so difficult?
It’s time to: clarify expectations and table assumptions Give assertiveness a chance to step into your day.
Clarify expectations:
Do you know what is expected of you at work? Reach for your Job Description.
Do you know how to behave at work? Reach for your Code of Conduct
Don’t have them? Check with HR or your upline. They are pretty basic documents that any organization should have.
What’s missing? The unsaid. What are the expectations you think others expect of you that are not in print? Clarify these. Write them down, that’ll get them out of the fog in your brain and force you to make them clear.
Now, let’s check if they are real expectations. Go and see your supervisor, pen and paper in hand, and check whether these expectations are correct.
Perhaps the issues that are causing you grief are unclarified expectations or where others are expecting you to perform a task which does not belong to you (or maybe it does). At least now you will be clear.
And there’s one more level to this step – try to understand WHY this expectation is important. TIB (This Is Because) is important for you to contextualise decisions. Why is it your task? It will help you make more sense of it in a bigger picture.
Check your assumptions:
There’s really just two steps to this aspect and the first is the easier . . . check your assumptions. What are you assuming? That means it’s time (again) to stop and put pen to paper. Try to capture those movies that are running in your head where you assume what others are thinking or saying about you.
Now the second step. It’s time to stop mind reading and check if those assumptions are correct.

©Lakefront Psychology
If only we had a machine like this (smile). We have invisible conversations in our mind and play movies in our brain that just aren’t true. We project intent. We need to bring them out in the open and check what is true. That’s going to take some courage.
It’s time to go and see the other person and check those assumptions. That means you are going to need to be assertive and value yourself.
Ask permission first. “Can I check out an assumption I have?”
And the follow up statement is . . . “I think that you think . . . Is that correct?”
You may find a rich conversation on the other side as you either rule out your assumptions, or clarify them and gain understanding and insight. You may have blind spots that need work. Remain humble and curious.
Sometimes it’s because our assumptions are incorrect. You may be surprised just how wrong you were.
Learning to deal with difficult people grow us. It just feels hard. Assertiveness is honesty and it’s time to clarify assumptions . . . because you really matter and shouldn’t be held back by worry over what you think others are thinking.
Next week we’ll spend more time on this theme, drilling into the dangers of mind reading and projecting intent – how you can identify that and what you can do about it.
Your life caddy
Your life caddy . . . when you need coaching, whether that’s life coaching, business coaching, entrepreneurial coaching or mentoring . . . to reset those attitudes, gain strategies with data driven approaches or build new habits and rhythms to give yourself that performance edge . . . Your life caddy is here for you. Subscribe now to keep up to date with weekly blogs, each one based on burning questions from professionals like you, seeking help.