Blog 41:  There’s lots of crap you deal with that you don’t need to:  PART 2:  face it – you’re not good at mind reading and dealing with projecting intent.

photo of two boys using electric brain caps to read each others minds
©Lakefront Psychology

Face it . . . you can’t read what someone is thinking.  At best all you can get is a clue, and that clue needs to be checked. 

This weeks blog has two things for you to stop

Stop mind reading

The dangers of mind reading are that it can lead to social anxiety and depression.  People tend to stew over what others think of them (negatively).  It’s interesting that when you read what someone else is thinking, it is rarely the best . . . so that means it is mostly the worst.  It drives a wedge in our relationships. 

So for a start, keep a positive mindset and think the best.  And if you are convinced someone is forming a negative opinion of you . . . check that opinion.  We showed you how to do that in the last blog.  Just to revisit, here’s the three steps:

  1. Check your assumptions.  What are you assuming?  Put pen to paper. 
  2. Approach the person.  Ask permission first.  “Can I check out an assumption I have?”
  3. And the follow up statement is . . . “I think that you think . . . Is that correct?”
police line up of businessman old lady and tattooed rough looking man
©Georgetown University School of Continuing Studies

Check those assumptions and allow yourself an element of doubt into your ability to mind read.

Stop projecting intent: 

an explanation and example of projection
©Medium

This is very similar to checking your assumptions.  Where are you projecting intent on others?  Here are some examples of projecting intent:

When you say:  “My manager thinks I am too young and inexperienced” – but they haven’t actually said that – you’ve read them.

When you say:  “She thinks I’m dumb and stupid” – but they haven’t actually said that – you’ve read them.

When you say:  “My boss isn’t happy with me” – but they haven’t actually said that – you’ve read them.

It’s time to check your assumptions.  You don’t have to carry these negative messages.  They may not even be true.  And if they are true – you can work on that.  But at least now you are working on something you know is fact, rather than an assumption. 

There are enough negative messages floating round in our world without you taking on ones that don’t belong to you.  So check your assumptions – check them with others.  Only own your stuff.  Be authentic, vulnerable and intentional. 

Live life lighter. 

Try having some mantras you can hold on to as you go through life to help you shrug off the negative messages and hold on to the true ones.  I find the Living Wisdom life rules helpful (it sits with my Christian faith).  At times when I catch myself projecting intent, I find these helpful to recentre myself:

1.   I belong here – I do belong

7.   It isn’t just what happens to me that matters, but how I think about it

8.   Everything can be talked about, and most things can be sorted out

9.   Comparing myself with others is out of bounds in my thoughts

10. I matter. I am valuable.  I am okay and so are other people

Find those true messages that match your life’s paradigm and hold on to them . . . to avoid stinking thinking. 

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