Buckle in folks. It’s time to look hard at ourselves. If we want to grow, to change and make a bigger difference, then we need to take a hard look at ourselves . . . identify our blind spots, understand our history, our invisible scripts and come to terms with what drives us. To do that, we need to peel off layers of the onion. It will be hard, but you will discover how to maximise your effectiveness and others around you as well as appreciate the unique you.
Across quite a few of the your life caddy blogs we have talked about the need to know yourself. So this blog gets you started in understanding you and others around you. There is a bit of homework in this blog. You will be provided with two tools that are helpful, but you will need to drill into the links and investigate. The more you invest in these next few blogs and apply yourself, the more you will get out.
Now it may come as a surprise to some of you to know that others may not see the world as you do. Their inherent drivers may be different to you. They have been shaped in ways you may never have even thought of. So, it’s important to know what shapes and drives you, it will help you maximise your capacity while enabling you to enhance those around you. But, a word of warning . . . you may not like what you reveal about yourself. You may find hidden blind spots or motivators that aren’t healthy. It may feel a bit yuck, but still, let’s hope that’s your journey as this blog kick starts your journey of deep self-discovery. It’s the hard honest examination that will reap the best results. So, where do we start?
With you and your history – a genogram.
A genogram illustrates your family history and the relationships therein. How has your father shaped you? Your mother? Your siblings and grandparents? Where are the broken relationships? Where are the family tragedies? How have these people (so integral to you) shaped you?
As an introduction, take a look at the video below (2:37), which explains a genogram and how to make your own. It uses the Starwalker family (of Star Wars fame) as an example.
Have a go at making your own genogram. Then take a step back and assess . . . what did you learn about you and your family of origin? What patterns do you discover? What outstanding issues do you identify? Some of these findings may be confronting, but take solace in this saying . . .
Apart from the video, there are resources in this website https://genopro.com/genogram/ to take you deeper and learn how to interpret your genogram. You will find value in investing time to apply yourself to this resource.
Hopefully you’ve identified some deep lessons from your family history and can understand a little more as to why you are the way you are. But you haven’t quite finished with the genogram yet. The next step is key – share your findings with someone else. It may be your partner or close friend, but the learnings will consolidate if you take time to share with someone.
With the next tool we shift our attention from your family to you. What drives you? The enneagram is a good instrument for this. First, here’s a short introductory video to provide you with an outline of the enneagram.
OK, now let’s find you. To do that (and this isn’t an exact science by any means), have a go at an enneagram test The Triuity website provides a test at: https://www.truity.com/test/enneagram-personality-test You will find there are six banks of questions to complete. At the end of the test you are provided with a chart which helps you ascertain which of the nine types typifies you.
Now you can learn more about the fears and motivators inherent in that type. The Truity site you visited earlier https://www.truity.com/enneagram/what-is-enneagram for the outline of the Enneagram has a good short video for each of the Enneagram types (on the right hand side of the page). They also provide a $29 comprehensive test result report if you would like to purchase that. The Enneagram Institute also provide good descriptions of each type at https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions
Just like the genogram, the real value in the enneagram lay in sharing your results. Tell a close friend or colleague what you have learnt about yourself and ask them how accurate they think that is. Maybe ask a friend, family or colleague to complete the test themselves and you can share what you have learnt together. i have found these times of sharing very rich and insightful. Ask around, you’d be surprised who knows their enneagram number. Take a few opportunities to share your type and what resonates with you. Listen to others and seek to understand how they are wired and what drives them.
In your life caddying individual and group sessions we explore your genogram and enneagram findings and how they impact you at work and home. This is what the first group caddying session is about. Drilling into these tools provide you a better understanding of yourself and those around you. We’re all not like you and understanding your family history, your key drivers, motivators and fears will take your capacity to relate to others to another level.
Again, this exercise of self-discovery can be confronting. You will like some things you discover and be embarrassed by others. That’s part of being human. But the key is, as per Living Wisdom Rule 10: I matter. I am valuable. I am okay and so are other people . . . so take time to listen and learn. You will be all the richer and wiser.
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